


And there's no way back

by Hieiandshino



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Angst and Porn, Community: pacificrimkink, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Masturbation, My first work with this ship, Please Don't Kill Me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-12
Updated: 2014-01-12
Packaged: 2018-01-08 12:34:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1132706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hieiandshino/pseuds/Hieiandshino
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Three scenes in the life of Raleigh Becket, all related with Chuck Hansen.</p><p>Or</p><p>Raleigh Becket: the boy, the man and the ranger.</p><p>(Written for the Pacific Rim Kink Meme prompt: Raleigh has a crush on Chuck. Unrevised work)</p>
            </blockquote>





	And there's no way back

**Author's Note:**

> Pacific Rim (All Media Types) does not belong to me.
> 
> This fanfic is unrevised and, because my first language isn't English, there will be mistakes. As soon as I have the revised work, I'll edit it.
> 
> Title comes from the song _Big Bad Wolf_ by Lana Del Rey.
> 
> For the [prompt](http://pacificrimkink.livejournal.com/2747.html?thread=3146427#t3146427): _"I've seen plenty of fics about how Chuck had this huge crush on Raleigh when he was a teen, but not much more than slight mentions that Raleigh felt the same. So let's have a fic about Raleigh crushing big time on Chuck (...)"_
> 
>  **Warning!** The big crush thingy isn't explicit. Raleigh thinks about Chuck and it shows he has been following the youngest's life, but is focused more on an specific picture of him. It's also implied that Raleigh has a crush or is sexually aroused by the image/presence/drift memories of his brother. Just so you know. I didn't plan it either, but I liked it.

His name is Raleigh Becket and he falls for a picture.

It’s not exactly a picture, more like a photograph, but it’s on the newspapers and therefore the quality isn’t that good. Now the paper is so soft and thin he is scared to stare too much because in Alaska he only feels cold and tired and, wanting or not, his hands are always dirty and sweaty. It’s no condition to keep neither a picture, nor a photograph, but it’s better than having no condition of living at all. So he keeps the picture close, always on that old leather wallet that belonged to Yancy — the one that from the Jaeger’s line of accessories, with Gipsy Danger’s emblem, now rusty and threatening to fall —, always folded carefully.

The person in the picture is called Charles Perseus Hansen, ranger of Striker Eureka and once Raleigh fought with his father against a kaiju.

Raleigh knows little about this boy — because he is a boy. Nineteen and counting, with dimples and freckles and this childish smile that says he still likes to trick’n’treat. Knows he likes to be called Chuck Hansen and knows that it suits him better, because he is his father’s son. He loves dogs and pales when someone mentions his middle name. Says nothing and leaves when someone mentions his mother, anger in his eyes and sadness in his face. Difficult to deal with, but that’s what everyone else says and they must be right — only a fool would say otherwise with the way he presents himself. Raleigh also knows he is arrogant; it’s his default expression when his eyes are not filled with anger. Chuck Hansen is obviously trouble. Raleigh kind of likes it.

He is also a superstar. And that makes it rather easy to find new pictures of him and therefore no necessity of having one hidden on his wallet, protected from the cold with the only belong Raleigh still has of his brother. But he hates arrogant people, mostly because it was this kind of arrogance that killed Yancy and destroyed Gypsy, and the picture is the only one he could find in which he was anything but a kid on a date.

 _Chuck Hansen and boyfriend at the beach_ , the headlines say. He cut it without the title, but he still remembers like it was yesterday. Chuck Hansen is also bisexual, a prominent figure that is a problem to the Sydney Shatterdome’s PR department because he is always with a new person, never famous and always private. He refuses to give declarations about his love life, the Australian man who was hired to do it for him always say, voice tired and eyes even worse. But Chuck Hansen is happy and comfortable around this person and who the hell cares anyway? Kid has the attention span of a fish, to not bad mouth our aquatic friends, and he’ll have another person by the end of the day. This last part is not said on interviews, but it’s true. And Raleigh may be conflicted about the way Chuck acts with his lovers — he loves that they don’t last; he hates the kid won’t settle down with anybody.

In this picture, however, the ‘happy and comfortable’ part is true. Chuck Hansen walks around an Australian park with his dog and the boyfriend of that week. He is wearing a cap with the Crimson Typhoon’s emblem, a yellow shirt that varies a lot from the ones soldiers and rangers tend to use inside the Shatterdome, a nice pair of black jeans and white sneakers that have seen better days. The man by his side is wearing a similar look, but his shirt is white and his jeans are red. His shoes are converses, the classic one that still sells even after so long. Some people are on the background, looking at them and taking pictures.

The boyfriend’s mouth is open, and he is saying what seems to be something funny to Hansen. He walks slowly, comfortable, ignoring everyone or pretending to not care for the flashes. He holds his cellphone with one hand and, with the other, a bottle of water. His hair is shaved, his skin is dark and he is so very handsome. But it’s Chuck Hansen who holds his attention, ever since he glanced at the picture and got mesmerized by the kid with relaxed body, eyes closed and smile wild, looking as young as he is, and just as normal. There is no trace of arrogance in his stance, or in his face, only contentment of being alive, having a date at the park and having fun with his bulldog. Said animal is running ahead, tongue hanging on one side of the mouth, eyes shining and completely happy for seeing so much green, smelling such fresh air, having so much fun.

For a moment, he barely recognizes Herc’s son, because he looks so much different from the interviews and the photo shoots. His boss at the time — a mechanic who liked to tell dirty things to every girl who passed by his shop and who had a taste for cheap beer in massive amounts — was ready to throw away the newspaper, but Raleigh asked if he could read the Australian ranger’s article. “Gossip, ya mean.” The man said, but let him. He was already judging Raleigh’s request, as if he knew that he would cut the picture before throwing the newspaper away and keep it. Raleigh shot him a look until the man left, mumbling things he thankfully couldn’t hear. A month later, he would know what he said and would leave the shop and the town after breaking the man’s nose.

Two months later, he would succumb on his fascination towards the picture and would touch himself. Chuck Hansen, no arrogance and no clothes, would appear on his mind and would never leave. Like Yancy, who entered Gypsy Danger that day and never ever came back.

.

Raleigh only calls Chuck Hansen _Chuck_ when he is on bed. It is a good way to distance himself from the boy he already thinks of every night, and it is a way to pay respect for Herc, who would skin him alive. Even on his head and as a memory — both his and Yancy’s —, Hansen father is scary enough to not be crossed.

Today’s fantasy is autumn: a yellow and red forest, where the leaves crack under them. He jerks off in the same rhythm he would fuck Chuck, and that is slow and steady. Chuck sobs for Raleigh to go a little faster, but here he is Little Red Riding Hood, nineteen and malicious, no dad and no Gramma’s house, seeking pleasure from the wolf who lives far far away from the sea. Raleigh doesn’t picture himself because he is already there, already feeling everything he has to feel. The greatest thing about the drift is that he knows how to not think like himself. How he can see everything from another perspective, from another head.

He notices how Chuck’s hair poorly matches the color of the red leaves; how his freckles glisten with sweat; how he holds some of his whines and his cheeks burn red when some absurdly high-pitched sound escapes his mouth; how his eyes are foggy with arouse; pleas being hold back because he still doesn’t like to lose; how Chuck licks his lips slowly, bites them with his sharp canines; how he runs his fingers through his chest, his abs, his erection; how he, even though hating Raleigh’s pace, still jerks off on the same rhythm, a few seconds behind.

It’s a little sick that he sees it the way Yancy would, if he was gay and interested in literature and languages, but it’s a way to remember his brother will always be in his head, for good or for worse — normally, the latter. Yancy always liked to notice the details and observe everything. The woods they are in are from Germany, he is sure, and the winter hits Chuck and makes him shiver, makes him whine about wanting to get warmer, in that Australian accent, filthy and terribly arousing.

Raleigh comes rutting on his bed, biting his fist, and the image of Chuck looking at him with happy, calm, comfortable eyes, long eyelashes, dimples and blushing cheeks dissipates, runs away from his sticky fingers, runs like Little Red Riding Hood ran from the wolf; like he would run away after he got his pleasure, arrogance in his eyes and a malicious smile on his face.

Guilty comes to Raleigh then and also shame. The wolf-whistling of the men near him are like tattoos that remind him he just jerked off on a picture of a nineteen year old boy, son of a good man; a soldier who fights monsters from another dimension and who puts his life in danger to ensure humanity another day with few or no casualties.

Normally, release would make a man lighter. Raleigh only feels heavier, his sins burning like the sperm hot on his hand.

.

Mako finds it amusing that Raleigh has a crush on Chuck. Raleigh blushes and tells her Chuck Hansen isn’t the way he thought he would be, and she only smiles wider, her eyes glinting in a malicious, evil way that he is sure wasn’t taught by Pentecost. “But you like it this way, no?” She says, Japanese accent thick and sort of cute. “You like him more now.” She pauses for just a moment, to give emphasis on her next phrase: “Because he is a challenge.”

 _You like a good challenge, Ray, admit it_ , Yancy’s voice echoes on his head. _That’s why you always go after the difficult ones. After the ones you’ll never really have_.

 _Shut up, Yance._ Raleigh said to him that day, after he was again turned down by that cute engineer from India that liked to wear French comic t-shirts and that liked his tea with ice instead of hot, even on winter. _And don’t call me that_.

The cute engineer from India left a few months and Raleigh didn’t even get his name right, because he always said it in a different way to make Raleigh lose his time trying to get it right instead of flirting with him. He also had this wicked smile that Raleigh wanted off his face — or to see it when they woke up after a good night of sex. _Chuck Hansen is still here_ , he thinks, and maybe he didn’t change at all.

“I do.” He says and sounds more like the ranger he was, all these ( _million_ ) years ago. “I love a good challenge.”

Mako smiles and, yes, you can see the girl was definitely raised in ‘domes by the way she smiles maliciously and says, matter of fact: “And Chuck is the best ranger there is.”

**Author's Note:**

>  **The headcanons on this fic**  
>  \- Angela loved Herc's name and wanted to follow the steps oh his parents and give Chuck a heroic name. Herc objected, saying the kid would never be left alone. So they called him Charles Perseus Hansen. Perseus because the name's etymology is obscure, so it has many meanings. The hypothesis kind of married the character's profile/life and so I wanted to use it.
> 
> \- Raleigh's wallet is one of the things I believe they must have done during the program's golden years. And I totally see Chuck as a Jaeger fanatic, so he has many acessories of many jaeger pilots. He probably left everything behind when he moved to Hong Kong, because no way he was going to use that while living with the rest of the rangers.
> 
> \- Raleigh wandered a lot around the world and had many jobs. Since he must have some mechanic training, I picture him having a lot of jobs in this area in small cities.
> 
> \- Chuck, for me, is the Taylor Swift of his era. He dates a lot, has a lot of fun and doesn't really care about what people say. He doesn't only date normal people, nope, he dates people who make him laugh, because I think it would be the way he would cope with so many angst and anger in his daily life. I mean, you can't be a big ball of anger 24/7. It's impossible and he would have already commited murder and/or killed himself. So, people who can make him laugh. Always works to make someone's life better.
> 
> \- Yancy was the brother who saw all the details and Raleigh was the one who knew all the languages. The drift connected them more and Raleigh became more perceptive and to Yancy to actually have some interest in other languages. After Yancy's death and after he left the project, I think Raleigh learned the bad way how to be more serious and more responsible, without Yancy to watch his back all the time.
> 
> \- Yancy liked to call Raleigh Ray just to piss him off.


End file.
